Mustafa K Anuar takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the latest on the 1MDB probe.
Contrary to popular perception, the investigation that has been officially mounted to hunt down the truth about the 1Malaysia Development Berhad (1MDB) debacle ― which has foxed the country like no other controversies Malaysians have ever witnessed in years ― was on the right track.
The task force ― comprising the police, Attorney-General’s Chambers, the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) and Bank Negara ― that had been assigned to do just that was already in full swing.
In line with the task force’s steely determination to leave no stones unturned, it recently flagged down a despatch rider who was suspected of carrying incriminating evidence and/or misconduct that could provide a useful lead. He was remanded for a few days to allow for further questioning.
At the very least, this latest investigation should help the task force ascertain whether any incriminating document was indeed carried by the despatch rider in his despatch pouch. It really doesn’t matter here where he got the document from or whom the document was for.
As a precautionary measure, the task force may well want to consider appropriate mechanisms that can hinder any attempts by all despatch riders to hurriedly flee the country on their speedy motorbikes through various land routes. All major border points should be put on high alert.
This may sound too harsh a step taken against despatch riders, but we all know that in Malaysia being messengers makes them susceptible to suspicion and even aspersions. Why, in some cases they can even be accused of being unpatriotic.
And, lo and behold, suspects that are brought into MACC offices for further questioning should not be permitted to loiter on the higher floors for fear that they might attempt to escape by slipping through unlocked glass windows. In line with the culture of security in Malaysia, these windows ought to be grilled for iron-clad protection.
Additionally, for those women suspects who do wear skirts, they should be given the option of wearing a short or long skirt because at the end of the day they’d still be frisked for any hidden weapons. Or for that matter, an undergarment that has some resemblance to the Jalur Gemilang, in which case the wearer may be deemed seditious.
To be sure, officers associated with the task force should be made to sign a kind of Akujanji so that whoever spills the beans to outsiders or whistleblowers, such as the likes of the inquisitive Rafizi Ramli and Tony Pua, would automatically be made to divorce their spouses in the blink of an eye. This is essentially because any form of leakages can be prejudicial to parliamentary democracy ― and there must be no compromises on this matter.
There is another group of people who should not escape the keen eyes of the task force. The caretakers of toilets in the buildings of the task force agencies should also be monitored in the interest of confidentiality and sensitivity. This is to ensure that any one of these caretakers would not be tempted to flush important data down the tubes should they sense danger encroaching upon them.
These measures may all sound trivial for the uninitiated. But believe you me, they are necessary and vital to consider because catching the culprits of a financial scandal of this scale is not as simple as catching an unwed couple caught cuddling in the couples-only seating area in a cinema in Malaysia. It certainly warrants careful and painstaking planning and foolproof strategies.
The automated teller machines or ATMs, which have become favourite vending machines for some robbers of late, should also come under strict surveillance by the authorities. The machines should be installed with a device that could swiftly alert the prudent Bank Negara should there be irregular cash withdrawals of more than RM2,000 in any of the bank branches among such people as the homeless, single parents and even the bankrupt. This despite the GST imposed on each withdrawal.
Of course, the good work of the task force so far would have come to nought had it not been for the support and encouragement that comes from civil society, especially when there have been reported attempts by the Jewish people and other nasty Westerners jealous of what we have achieved so far as a nation to work hand in hand with their Malaysian counterparts in sabotaging our treasured robust economy. Besides, it is the most patriotic gesture one could have.
And so we should put our hands together and hail such supportive groups as Persatuan Ibunda Cinta Malaysia, Ikatan Kasih Murni Anak Negara, Gabungan Suami Beristeri Empat and Kumpulan Belia Semangat Singa.
As patriotic Malaysians, we must wait patiently for the task force to resolve the mystery that is shrouding 1MDB. After all, didn’t they say that patience has its virtue?
Furthermore, relentless patience is very much in line with the Quranic teachings, which, incidentally, have become the guide of the Najib administration.
In the meantime, in our nagging desire to know more about the latest on the 1MDB probe, we should all do our darndest in snubbing noisy social media, foreign media and the alternative news portals ― and conscientiously rely on the authoritative Utusan Malaysia, TV3 and RTM, whose journalistic standards are, by the way, beyond compare.