Makan minum, let’s talk politics

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Want to speak your mind freely without being charged with sedition or ISA or illegal assembly? Hang out at the nearest Teh Tarik or Kopitiam outlet, says Tota.

A teh tarik stall - Photograph: Wikipedia
A teh tarik stall – Photograph: Wikipedia

The Teh Tarik Stall and the Kopitiam are the new independent institutions beyond the reach of the powers-that-be. The atmosphere is free and the ambience is easy. An amazing range of topics concerning the state of the country discussed. Below is a sampling of the exchanges between JPs (Joe Public and Jane Public).

JP1: What do you think of BR1M?

JP2: The RM500 works out to RM1.38 daily for me and my family of three. Reduces cost of living indeed.

JP1: I can buy a roti canai and a small glass of water or a ‘roti bengali’.

JP3: Remember Najib and 99 of his cronies enjoyed an RM80,000 dinner at taxpayers’ expense i.e. RM800 a person. Living in style, mah.

***********************

JP1: Money politics and corruption in Umno is horrendous.

JP2: Umno politicians need to be corrupt because they need plenty of money to give buffet dinners with beer throuwn in and to buy themselves out of trouble. Who was the goon who said BN policies are infused with Islamic values?

JP3: They need money to entice political frogs. Also, they need money to pay people like Bala to withdraw affidavit.

JP2: An Umnoputra who gropes a girl in a club needs cash to solve his problem.

JP1: They need money to support their depraved lifestyles. A trophy girlfriend comes at a price of RM1.5m.

******************

JP1: BN is hammering Kit Siang as a ‘parachute’ candidate in Johor.

JP2: BN has forgotten that they have had many ‘parachute’ candidates before. Remember, Ling Liong Sik parachuted from Mata Kuching in Seberang Perai to Labis in Johor.

JP3: He didn’t parachute, lah. He travelled by air balloon!

******************

JP1: What do you do when your brains are in your butt?

JP2: Do butt exercise. It’s profitable. Najib has rewarded each of the ex-army veteran goons who did butt exercise outside Ambiga’s house with RM1,000 each for meritorious service rendered.

******************

JP1: According to Muhyiddin our education system is the world and our universities are on par with Cambridge and Oxford. Why are the children of BN ministers and their cronies studying overseas?

JP2: BN politicians are clowns who don’t believe what they say. Yen Yen said she became an Australian PR for the sake of her children’s education. In his debate with Soi Lek, Guan Eng raised the point of talent flight from Malaysia and Soi Lek said that it shows that our education system is excellent!

**********************

JP1: Did you listen to Najib’s speech dissolving Parliament?

JP2: Ta dengar ucapan, panjang sekali. Kita dapat banyak ucapan daripada dia dalam RTM tiap-tiap hari – ad nauseam.

JP1: I didn’t pay attention to his speech. I was looking at the large herd of cabinet deadwood standing behind him.

READ MORE:  Stop suppressing stories of women

***********************

JP1: Mahathir says Pakatan Rakyat has no agenda for the country.

JP2: They surely have no agenda to use public money to rescue their children’s business failures. They lack a strategy to enrich their children and amass great wealth. They have no desire to grant Petronas and other lucrative government contracts to their children.

************************

JP1: Najib has called upon Malaysians not to change the driver – meaning jangan ubah.

JP2: Why not if the driver is drunk with power and drugged by corrupt practices and is taking the bus in the wrong direction?

************************

JP1: Sex-fixated Umno apparently have a permanent team of porno producers. Remember the three goons called ‘Datuk T’?

JP2: I’ve taken a RM100 bet with a friend that they will produce one on Guan Eng soon.

JP1: I wouldn’t be surprised.

************************

JP1: Mahathir must be sick in the head to suggest that Rosmah’s biography should be made a school textbook.

JP2: One Rosmah is enough. Can’t imagine a few thousand emulating her.

JP3: Her biography should be put into a time capsule and she and evil M should be sent with a one-way ticket to the Antartic to bury it there.

*************************

JP1: What do you think of the religious nerd who suggested that woman should not be allowed to hold a banana and eat it in the normal way.

JP2: Why?

JP1: He believes that holding anything cylindrical may send them into sexual frenzy which may threaten national security. Ha! Ha!

JP2: How should women eat a banana?

JP1: Their loving husbands are to cut it into small pieces, out of sight from their high-tension wives and give it to them.

******************

JP1: After the mess in Lahad Datu and unnecessary loss of lives, Najib says that only BN can defend Sabah successfully.

JP2: The BN left the Sabah coast almost unguarded since 1963, resulting in the easy entry of the Sulu terrorists.

JP3: Hishammuddin could have used the razor barbed wire, used against Bersih 3.0, to lone the coast and used tear gas to deter the intruders.

JP4: Nazri said that salt and water battles are offensive weapons which are a threat to national security. They could have sent him with these by Air Asia planes to bomb the intruders. They would have been kaput in no time.

******************

JP1: Barisan politicians always talk about the rift among Pakatan Rakyat partners. Don’t the 14 coalition partners in Barisan have any disagreements?

JP2: What is there to disagree? Umno decides and the compliant leaders in MCA, MIC, Gerakan etc. say “Yes, boss!”

READ MORE:  Uphold freedom of expression, Hakam urges National Art Gallery

******************************

The Teh Tarik Stall and the Kopitiam are the new independent institutions beyond the reach of the powers-that-be. The atmosphere is free and the ambience is easy. An amazing range of topics concerning the state of the country discussed. Below is a sampling of the exchanges between JPs (Joe Public and Jane Public).

JP1: What do you think of BR1M?

JP2: The RM500 works out to RM1.38 daily for me and my family of three. Reduces cost of living indeed.

JP1: I can buy a roti canai and a small glass of water or a ‘roti bengali’.

JP3: Remember Najib and 99 of his cronies enjoyed an RM80,000 dinner at taxpayers’ expense i.e. RM800 a person. Living in style, mah.

***********************

JP1: Money politics and corruption in Umno/BN is horrendous.

JP2: BN politicians or their cronies need to be corrupt because they need plenty of money to provide free 1Malaysia buffet dinners complete with beer thrown in. Who was the goon who said BN policies are infused with Islamic values?

JP3: They need money to entice political frogs. Also, they need money to pay people like Bala to withdraw affidavit.

JP2: An Umnoputra who gropes a girl in a club needs cash to solve his problem.

JP1: They need money to support their depraved lifestyles. A trophy girlfriend comes at a price of RM1.5m.

******************

JP1: BN is hammering Kit Siang as a ‘parachute’ candidate in Johor.

JP2: BN has forgotten that they have had many ‘parachute’ candidates before. Remember, Ling Liong Sik parachuted from Mata Kuching in Seberang Perai to Labis in Johor.

JP3: He didn’t parachute, lah. He travelled by air balloon!

******************

JP1: What do you do when your brains are in your butt?

JP2: Do butt exercise. It’s profitable. Najib has rewarded each of the ex-army veteran goons who did butt exercise outside Ambiga’s house with RM1,000 each for meritorious service rendered.

******************

JP1: According to Muhyiddin our education system is the world and our universities are on par with Cambridge and Oxford. Why are the children of BN ministers and their cronies studying overseas?

JP2: BN politicians are clowns who don’t believe what they say. Yen Yen said she became an Australian PR for the sake of her children’s education. In his debate with Soi Lek, Guan Eng raised the point of talent flight from Malaysia and Soi Lek said that it shows that our education system is excellent!

**********************

JP1: Did you listen to Najib’s speech dissloving Parliament?

JP2: Ta dengar ucapan, panjang sekali. Kita dapat banyak ucapan daripada dia dalam RTMtiap-tiap hari – ad nauseam.

JP1: I didn’t pay attention to his speech. I was looking at the large herd of cabinet deadwood standing behind him.

READ MORE:  End harassment of democracy activists, respect freedom of speech, assembly: Asean MPs

***********************

JP1: Mahathir says Pakatan Rakyat has no agenda for the country.

JP2: They surely have no agenda to use public money to rescue their children’s business failures. They lack a strategy to enrich their children and amass great wealth. They have no desire to grant Petronas and other lucrative government contracts to their children.

************************

JP1: Najib has called upon Malaysians not to change the driver – meaning jangan ubah.

JP2: Why not if the driver is drunk with power and drugged by corrupt practices and is taking the bus in the wrong direction?

************************

JP1: Sex-fixated Umno apparently have a permanent team of porno producers. Remember the three goons called Datuk T?

JP2: I’ve taken a RM100 bet with a friend that they will produce one on Guan Eng soon.

JP1: I wouldn’t be surprised.

************************

JP1: Mahathir must be sick in the head to suggest that Rosmah’s biography should be made a school textbook.

JP2: One Rosmah is enough. Can’t imagine a few thousand emulating her.

JP3: Her biography should be put into a time capsule and she and evil M should be sent with a one-way ticket to the Antartic to bury it there.

*************************

JP1: What do you think of the religious nerd who suggested that woman should not be allowed to hold a banana and eat it in the normal way.

JP2: Why?

JP1: He believes that holding anything cyclindrical may send them into sexual frenzy which may threaten national security. Ha! Ha!

JP2: How should women eat a banana?

JP1: Their loving husbands are to cut it into small pieces, out of sight of their high-tension wives and give it to them.

******************

JP1: After the mess in Lahad Datu and unnecessary loss of lives, Najib says that only BN can defend Sabah successfully.

JP2: The BN left the Sabah coast unguarded since 1963, resulting in the easy entry of theSulu terrorists.

JP3: Hishammuddin could have used the razor barbed wire, used against Bersih 3.0, to lone the coast and used tear gas to deter the intruders.

JP4: Nazri said that salt and water battles are offensive weapons which are a threat to national security. They could have sent him with these by Air Asia planes to bomb the intruders. They would have been kaput in no time.

*****************************

JP1: Barisan politicians always talk about the rift among Pakatan Rakyat partners. Don’t the 14 coalition partners in Barisan have any disagreements?

JP2: What is there to disagree? Umno decides and the compliant leaders in MCA, MIC, Gerakan etc. say “Yes, boss!”

Tota is the pseudonym of a regular contributor to our Thinking Allowed Online section.

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