A Mother’s Day reflection: When mothers say no to war

Flowers, chocolates and presents.

Laughter and banter in the living room, accompanying the chatter of a family-favourite TV sitcom.

Fresh bread served at breakfast tables, and restaurants offering special deals boasting of dainty tea sets with creamy cakes.

Children showing off their handmade cards to their proud, beaming mothers.

Just the regular humdrum of families celebrating Mother’s Day in a time of peace. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Now, picture this.

Waking up in the morning in Lebanon with your mattresses soaked, because the tarpaulin covering your tent, erected in an impromptu encampment, failed to protect you and your children from the rain.

Feeling the urge to use the bathroom, you wait in line for half an hour for a toilet with no running water, shared with hundreds of families. Because the time of the month has arrived, the long wait humiliates you, for the torn pieces of cloth you have resorted to using as a replacement for a sanitary pad have begun to leak.

Political, economic and social contexts shape a mother’s lived experiences. The ongoing wars in West Asia, largely perpetrated by Israel and the United States, have seen mothers facing overwhelming loss and hardship.

Writing and reflecting on such accounts of war that have debilitated the lives of over 161 million women and girls across the region brings with it perspective.

It is indeed embarrassing to think about how I once complained to my husband that my preferred brand of sanitary pads was missing from the shelves of the pharmacy I had visited.

Or how, on another occasion, I lamented that the water bottles for infants and toddlers sold at a leading retain chain were mostly made of plastic.

The litany of ‘complaints’ and maternal first-world challenges, reflecting a privileged socioeconomic background, stand in stark contrast with death, displacement and grief that have affected mothers plunged into crisis by the war in West Asia.

Mothers who say no

Five days after Hamas’ 7 October 2023 intrusion and massacre just inside Israel, Michal Brody-Bareket, a maths professor whose son serves as a soldier in Gaza, walked through downtown Jerusalem carrying a handwritten sign for an anti-war protest. She arrived to find the street empty.

The police had already broken up the protest. Officers shoved her to the ground. Israelis passing by called out death threats.

Her sign had called for negotiations for the release of the hostages – and that is exactly what Israel ended up doing a month later, when it negotiated with Hamas for the release of about half of them.

Brody-Bareket went on to found The Mother’s Cry protest group, in opposition to the Israeli military’s widespread massaces in Gaza after 7 October. Today, her movement unites mothers of soldiers and other concerned Israelis in pushing the Israeli government to end the war and atrocities.

This movement draws inspiration from Four Mothers, a grassroots protest movement of soldiers’ mothers widely credited with shifting Israeli public opinion against the Israeli occupation of southern Lebanon. This contributed to the ending of Israel’s 22-year-old occupation of southern Lebanon in 2000.

Mothers from both sides of the conflict have also come together in a joint call for peace. In March this year, Israeli and Palestinian mothers marched barefoot through Rome demanding an end to violence. Led by Israeli activist Dr Yael Admi from Women Wage Peace and Palestinian activist and Women of the Sun founder, Reem Al-Hajajreh, Mother’s Call represents a growing movement urging for the inclusion of women, mothers and their communities in the peace process. The Rome march was only the beginning. Further barefoot marches are planned in several countries in the months ahead.

After the 7 October attack, Yael and Reem faced intense criticism for continuing to work together. Both remain steadfast about fostering partnerships between Israelis and Palestinians.

The work of nurturing

As we celebrate Mother’s Day, we honour partnerships that commit to the goals of peace, friendship and support for families. The journey towards becoming a mother calls for maternal empowerment, which in turn, fosters maternal health literacy.

Lack of education and social support is among the risk factors for postpartum depression. This is a condition that global affects roughly one in five to one in 10 women in the period following childbirth.

In Malaysia, the Kuala Lumpur-based non-profit IBU Family Resources Group supports parents, particularly new mothers, by organising support groups that serve as channels for invaluable parenting information. Run entirely by volunteer mothers, this network connects parents with young children through topic-based WhatsApp group chats and in-person meetings on issues surrounding parenting and new motherhood.

A first-time mother grappling with breastfeeding challenges or postpartum healing can find solace in the friendships and knowledge that IBU creates, empowering her in crucial decision-making processes concerning her health and childcare.

An ethics of care

Celebrating motherhood is more than celebrating mothers and the work they do within families.

On this Mothers’ Day, we pray for a return to the maternal tenderness and compassion of God in the practice of religion, for friendships that empower and nurture, and for grassroot alliances that sway governments and shift policies for the good of those most vulnerable.

As wars are waged for imperialist gains, the damage to the environment wrought by capitalistic profit maximisation continues.

Meanwhile, the underprivileged continue to wait in long queues at public hospitals. Refugees who were meant to arrive on boats end up drowning at sea.

Mothers’ Day should remind us about an ethics of care – one that informs policymaking in building communities that support social justice, nurtures fairer relationships, and demonstrates a reciprocal, collective concern for one another.

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