Why compassion, not punishment, must guide our response to underage sexual abuse

Of late, discussion has been intense on underage sex and abuse.

Politicians, police officers, a mufti and social activists have all participated in the crossfire of debate after the Federal Territories mufti and the Kelantan Police chief suggested that underage participants engaged in what they termed consensual sex must be punished as well.

Interestingly, while the sensible politicians, NGOs and social activists pleaded for compassion, mercy and tolerance, those who usually pound their chest and howl as champions of the very religion that stands on the principles of compassion and mercy, ruefully, have none to offer to the victims.

If there is serious intention to criminalise underage sex, we must begin by strictly forbidding marriages of minors below 16 years, irrespective of race, religion or economic circumstances.

Will all religious departments support this blanket rule? Perhaps our rulers can take this up.

But the issue here is entirely different. It’s about the alarming number of minors who become victims of sexual predators – and the serious consequences they suffer from the trauma.

Establishing the casualty can be challenging. The impact on the mental and emotional wellbeing of these victim-survivors can be so traumatic that it destroys their lives.

They may suffer from anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, sleep disruption, insomnia, long-term post-traumatic stress and personality disorders that could continue into middle age and beyond. This is what we need to address.

Patriarchal beliefs are still predominant among the majority of the population.

Entrenched traditional assumptions are often misogynistic. They must first be dislodged and dismantled.

The Quran (24:30) makes it clear that men have to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. But ‘who cares’? Many still think it’s the women who must bear the responsibility not to ‘lure’ men. Women are always blamed for inciting and provoking the sexual desire of men – by the way they dress, their beauty, make-up, perfume, body shape – all must not seem ‘seductive’ to men.

Such prejudices thrive in less developed pockets of our society where certain dysfunctional religious gurus may outdo one another to spew misogynistic views, while claiming to be God’s appointed messengers.

Ministry of Health data shows there were 913 cases of sexual transmitted diseases like syphilis, gonorrhoea, chancroid and HIV amongst teens aged 13–17 for the period 2018–22. And in 2019–23, there were 44,263 teen pregnancies, of which 17,646 involved unmarried teens.

This is alarming. But the premise to begin with should be, how could minors – those aged 16 years or below – possibly, at such a tender age, have developed the biological or mental capacity to consent before having sex with another?

We must also consider how to protect these minors from sexual predators who may be roaming around – even in churches, mosques, schools, malls or other public places.

Every other day we hear of sodomy and sexual predation in traditional public boarding and religious schools, often committed by the very adults these children were entrusted to.

Poverty too leads to environments where people living in crammed spaces are forced into closed proximity.

The GISB case comes quickly to mind.

Different countries have different minimum statutory ages for getting married. These are slightly higher in developed countries and sometimes much lower in Muslim-majority countries.

In some communities, like in the Indian subcontinent, the traditional age for getting married can even be from birth to 10 years, but cohabitation known as ‘bidai’ only happens when both are mature or way after adolescence.

In Muslim-majority countries however, even if there is a minimum age set, it is sometimes simply disregarded because the maturity age to them is when a minor reaches puberty, sometimes even before age 12. Whether their minds are developed enough to marry, bear children or to carry out household responsibilities, sometimes in a joint family unit, is never a principal consideration.

It’s a little more complicated on two grounds.

First, Islamic teachings require maturity and free consent before marriage. However, in some places, local tradition and patriarchal norms appear to override this ruling. Some cite historical debates about the Prophet Mohammad’s marriage to Aisha to justify such practices, though scholars offer different interpretations. Such practices must be understood within their historical context, where early marriage was conventional. The tradition continues in some communities, particularly in Afghanistan and Pakistan, where young girls are sometimes given as brides to settle disputes or debts. In certain interpretations, a guardian’s consent can be obtained on behalf of a minor girl.

The other ground is that a Muslim can marry up to four wives although it is discouraged by the Quran. The Quranic verse (Nisa:3) allows Muslims to marry two, three or four only if he can be fair to the orphans and their mothers. Interestingly, in verse 4:129, the Quran states that “you will never be able to maintain emotional justice between your wives – no matter how keen you are”, effectively discouraging such ideas. Women’s groups also emphasise the importance of treating wives equally, recognising it as a very tall order. Later scholars used hadiths to reinterpret this verse to include ‘orphan girls’ – not just the children orphaned in the battle of Uhud in 625 AD. With the passage of time, different interpretations from different schools of thought seemed to allow marrying at will. In Malaysia, we sometimes hear of ‘pesta’ of taking several wives at a time.

Unlike minors in the olden days whose acquaintances were closely guarded and checked, these days they get to mingle in schools or engage in social activities. With this comes the dilemma of underaged sexual exploitation, which hinges on two grounds.

First, these minors are not mentally and physically ready to engage in sexual activities. We have not adequately educated and prepared them to face such eventualities – the dos and don’ts, when to say no, the good touch and bad touch, how to sense the grooming moment, and how to avoid the pitfalls.

Second, are these minors really willing actors or are they victims of sexual predators? If they are victims, they need protection and compassion, not punishment. That would become a case of double jeopardy. The Federal Territories mufti’s idea that even the minor must be punished will further perpetuate and worsen the scenario because victims fearing punishment would not report abuse – and the perpetrator gets a free ticket to repeat such a heinous crime.

Perpetrators’ punishment must include rigorous counselling and other suitable psychotherapeutic treatment so that they return as better people.

Of course, we also have the naughty and gullible ones, whom we must handle with extra care. To prevent it from happening, we must at least create an environment that reduces the chances. Prevention is always better than cure.

We must invest more time and resources in sex education in schools.

The Ministry of Education, in collaboration with the Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development, has planned to do just that – to increase the reproductive and social health education teaching time in the school curriculum from 2027 onwards. This initiative obviously will work better if there are additional inputs and engagement from public experts, NGOs and social activists involved in related advocacy. Simply relying on government actors alone will not work.

Education must move on from focusing simply on abstinence and moral values. It must comprehensively extend to topics covering contraception, sexual orientation, sexual health and early detection of grooming.

The idea is to create awareness, uphold respect, develop the ability to draw consensual boundaries, and preserve human dignity.

Still, the greatest challenge – first – is to ensure that teachers are adequately equipped with sufficient training and standardised curricula. We must help them to overcome cultural, religious and conservative sensibilities.

Teachers must also overcome personal biases and anxiety. More often than not, teachers expect the parents instead to play a bigger role in this.

The Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission and other law enforcement agencies too need to play a greater role in curbing abuse of internet facilities. These days, Telegram seems to be the favourite social media platform for transmitting and spreading these evils. The MCMC and other enforcement agencies will have no choice but to step up their efforts and invest more in technology.

However, it’s good to know that the MCMC, along with the police force, is intensifying efforts to combat online sexual content sharing and exploitation through its enforcement and public awareness programmes. This will greatly complement the joint national endeavours to address and stem this scourge, which is destroying the lives of the young. Hopefully, parents and society will also play their part and not leave it entirely to the authorities.

This will always remain a work in progress.

Sarajun Hoda
Co-editor, Aliran newsletter
2 October 2025

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